To Be Still and Know...How We Treat Others Matters Pt. 3

"And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord."  Ephesians 5:21-22

There is that word so many women hate to hear...submit!  But for us as Christian women and wives we cannot simply choose to ignore this verse because we don't like the connotation of that word, submit. We have to choose to take all of God's Word, even the parts that aren't easy. (See previous post!)  I think people tend to picture a timid and quiet almost servant like wife when they hear this verse.  They picture the husband lording over his wife, making demands that she has no option but to follow.  They see a woman who is stripped of her identity and decisions and they reject the idea of submission.  God doesn't just call the wife to submit, He also calls the husbands to deeply sacrifically and selflessly love their wives.  "For husbands this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.  He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's Word."  Ephesians 5:25-26  

In a perfect world, husbands would be the spiritual leaders of their homes and love their wives with such tenderness and selflessness and devotion that submitting to them would come easily and naturally.  In fact it would be something we all desired to do.  And because of the submission and respect they were being shown they would love their wives even more and it would be a beautiful unbroken cycle.  We do not live in a perfect world.  In most cases the wives tend to be the stronger spiritually in the relationship and therefore find themselves taking on a spiritual leadership role.  In a lot of cases husbands aren't loving their wives the way God called them to and the wives don't feel like submitting to someone that isn't showing her the kind of love she craves and then a different type of cycle forms, one that is opposite of God's plan for marriages.  

First thing we need to realize and truly accept...we cannot and are not supposed to change our husbands.  God is the only one who can do the changing.  We have to choose to love them and stay true to them based on our love for God not on what they do or don't do.  Some women find themselves in marriages where the husband is not a Christian.  God knows how much you desire for them to come to know the Lord but nagging them about it won't bring them to Jesus.  "In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands.  Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words.  They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives."  1 Peter 3:1-2  

Someone at Bible study last night talked about how a man prayed for 63 years for a person to be saved before they accepted Christ!  That's a lot of praying and a lot of waiting.  Don't give up on your husband if its been years you have been praying about him coming to know the Lord, keep on praying and letting your actions show God's love to him.  Don't give up!!

Submission doesn't mean you don't have opinions and thoughts.  It doesn't mean your husband rules over you like a king.  I believe it means showing respect for him and his role in the marriage.  It means making decisions together.  It means, for instance, if your husband doesn't want to have a bunch of people over to the house, and you have planned a get together, and he really isn't happy about it, you cancel the event.  It means you don't speak badly of him to other women.  Please know degrading your husband to other women, no matter how badly he has upset you, is a big tool Satan uses to mess up marriages and drive a wedge between the two of you.  There will come times when you do need to share your heart about some heavy things in your marriage, but find one or two Godly Christian friends or a marriage counselor to talk to and share with.  Someone who will not form a bad opinion of your husband or immediately say you should leave him or he deserves to be in the dog house.  Someone who will encourage you and pray with/for you and point you to God.  Someone who will encourage you to work things out with your husband and face the problems not run away from them.  I really believe submission is just a sign of obedience to the Lord and a show of respect for your husband and his role.  Sometimes we have to move out of the way and let God get through to them in ways we can't.  

"Love is patient and kind.  Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  It does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance" 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I want to take time to really break this down. If we apply these verses to ourselves as wives our marriages will surely change!  Remember it's not your job to change your husband, it's your job to change yourself and make sure you are being the kind of wife God has called you to be.

"Love is patient"- How many times a day do you lose your patience with your husband?  That is the opposite of love.  Love will pick up the dirty socks and underwear he leaves in the bathroom every day for the rest of your life.  Love will not honk the horn several times because he is taking forever to come out to the car to leave. Love will not roll your eyes and huff when he forgets something  you have told him to do for the hundredth time.  

"and kind."-  Oh how we forget to just be kind to our husbands.  We can be as kind as we want to be with everyone else, but what does that matter if we come home and are mean and ugly to the one person we are spending our lives with, whom God made us one with when we took those marriage vows.  Sometimes my husband has pointed out to to me that I give all my kindess and tenderness to everyone else and have none left for him.  OUCH!  It hurts to hear him say that and my pride wants to jump up and say "No way!" but he is right.  I definitely don't give him the kind of gentle understanding and kindness I give to others.  It's an area God's definitely correcting me in!

"Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude."- Pride gets in the way of so much!  Pride can destroy a marriage.  If we are not willing to admit when we are wrong and work at changing it, marriage is going to be a constant battle.  Also, being jealous of how another woman's' husband treats her is not loving your husband.  It's another way Satan drives a wedge in between a husband and wife.  We start seeing the ways another womans husband does things for her or romances her and we get jealous and we bitterness toward our own husbands starts festering away in our hearts.  We must choose to think about the good things he does do, even if it's only one thing at the moment.  Hold on to that one thing and pray!  

"It does not demand it's own way."- A perfect example of what submission looks like.  Another one I am not so good at but God is faithful and hasn't given up on me!  I, like all of us, are a work in progress!

"It is not irritable"- Love is choosing to let it go and move on.  Love is choosing to not allow that thing that irritates the fire out of you to keep doing so.  Choose in those moments to think of something else that makes you joyful.  

"and it keeps no record of being wronged." -Oh my!  This is a big one in marriages!  We get into arguments and what's the first thing out of our mouths..."How many times have you done this..."  Bringing up past wrongs means true forgiveness hasn't taken place.  I've been on both ends of that.  I've been the one to bring up the past wrongs and been the one whose past wrongs have been brought up.  When my past wrongs are brought up I feel completely defeated and completely unloved.  There is really nothing that makes me feel worse than my husband bringing up something I did wrong to him in the past and I know he feels the same when I do it to him.  That's not love.  That's selfish unforgiveness that Satan is using to tear marriages apart.

"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures in every circumstance." - I don't know where you are right now in your marriage but God does.  He knows what's going on behind closed doors.  He sees the heart break and the tears you have cried.  He know right where your heart it and He wants to help!  Marriage is under attack!  This sacred beautiful institution God created when he created Eve for Adam is being torn apart and walked all over.  Let's take back our marriages from the enemy.  Don't give up, don't lose hope.  God sees and will surely work in your marriage if you fully give it over to Him.  It has to begin with you.  You may want it to begin with your husband but that's up to God, not you.  You can't force your husband to change.  You are the one reading this right now and God wants to begin the process of turning your marriage into something stunningly beautiful and He wants to start tonight, with you!  Pray until you have run out of words and then just be still and let God listen to your heart!  Let God help you forgive and love your husband.  The Lord can and will give you new strength to do this, to not give up when it gets tough and to love your husband with His kind of love.  Let's take back our marriages and our husbands and learn how to do be the kind of wife God intended us to be.

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31