The Invisible Burden of Anxiety
I am going to let you in on a little secret of mine. It's something I have lived with for as long as I can remember but I didn't know exactly what it was called until five or so years ago. I discovered that the feelings I carried around since I was a child had a name and that I wasn't alone in these feelings. That secret is ANXIETY. I live every day of my life with general anxiety. It's not just worrying or fretting about situational things as many people tend to think when they hear this word. No, it goes so much deeper and influences every thought, feeling, action and reaction. I read somewhere recently, and try as I may I cannot remember where I read this, that anxiety is the backdrop to every emotion you have, when you struggle with anxiousness. How very deeply this resonated with me. No matter how happy I am, or how good things are going in my life, there is always, ALWAYS, anxiety in some corner of my mind worrying about this or that, or what could come next. Anxiety tries very hard, every day to steal your joy, steal your good times, steal your enjoyment, steal your peace and steal your hope. There is always a feeling that something isn't quite right, or is about to go wrong even when everything is going wonderfully.
I wanted to try and paint a picture of what it's like for those of us who deal with anxiety, in hopes that others could either relate to or better understand this struggle. Picture if you will, a person carrying a large heavy boulder on their back and shoulders. It's impossible for them to put this boulder down because it's attached to them in some manner. Every day tasks can be much more difficult for this person because they are already so exhausted. The boulder is very real and very heavy for them but it is also invisible to everyone else. The person carrying this boulder every day becomes weary and exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. Maybe they seem more easily irritable than others, or snap easy in frustration or anger. Maybe they exhibit their weariness in other ways, such as avoidance of some activities, needing more reassurance than some people, seeming distant or withdrawn at times or easily stressed out. Because people cannot see this big heavy boulder they are carrying around daily, they take these actions personally and get upset with the person who is already so weary, which sadly just adds to their heavy load. Because people cannot see this heavy burden of anxiety they make judgments about those carrying the burden that aren't accurate at all. Sometimes its telling the person to stop worrying so much or to just let it go. They truly mean well, but if it were that easy we would have done it, trust me! We do not want to have to live with this burden but everyone has struggles in life, as for those of us with anxiety, this is ours.
We do have good days, where the anxiety isn't as looming and big. The boulder seems to have some pieces break off and the weight of the anxiety isn't as heavy. We savor those days! The boulder is never fully gone though and seems to rebuild itself sometimes due to circumstances and sometimes for no logical reason at all. Those are the bad days, when we want to crawl under the covers and not participate in life.
Anxiety is a lonely road because we feel like nobody understands and most people just want us to be happy go lucky and not worry so much. So we suck it up and push it down and put on the fake smiles and go about our days as best we can. I have learned it is good to talk about your struggles. Satan wants us to feel alone. He wants us to feel isolated. He wants us to think nobody cares or understand. 1 Peter 5:8 says "Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil, He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour."
Lions look for weak isolated prey to devour and Satan destroys those who isolate themselves and keep their struggles hidden. This is why I have stopped hiding my anxiety. I am not ashamed of it. It's a struggle that I face daily, some not so bad, some not so good. I have found in my sharing of my own struggle with anxiety, several others who face the same things. I am not alone! The devil tried for so many years to convince me that I was alone, that something was wrong with me, that I must not be praying hard enough or reading the Bible enough or not doing something right because a true Christian doesn't have anxiety. I am hear to stomp on that lie of Satan and say that is FALSE! True Christians struggle with anxiety like those who aren't Christians. God's Word is filled with passages dealing with this very topic because God knew this would be one of the struggles His children would have to face in their earthly life. He didn't leave us alone or empty handed. He gave us His Word in order to encourage us and remind us of His love and patience and tenderness, even on our darkest days. His love for us knows no end. He doesn't love us less when the anxiety is all consuming. He doesn't shake his finger at us disapprovingly when we can't just let it go and shake it off. He calls to us in His still small voice and says to come to Him and be still in His presence, let Him love you and calm you minute by minute and do this as often as you need to. There is no shame in doing this. He is our Heavenly Father and he knows every last detail of every fiber of our beings and He wants us to rest in His arms, bringing all our struggles to Him as often as we need to.
Matthew 11:28 "Then Jesus said, 'Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."
1 Peter 5:7 "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."
If I could give all of us a piece or two of advice, it would be so stop judging others to quickly and harshly. We simply do not know what people are going through in their lives, whether that be anxiety, depression, marital problems, relationship issues, anger issues, self esteem struggles, etc. Who are we to say how another person should react to a situation? I remember hearing some people talk about another person who up and quit her job and most other activities when she was diagnosed with a curable cancer. They thought she had went to the extreme but maybe that is exactly what she needed to do in order to cope with her diagnosis. Who are we to say how a person should cope with something? Maybe if someone is in a bad mood, we shouldn't be so quick to take it personally. More than likely they have stuff going on we have no idea about and their mood has nothing to do with us whatsoever. Maybe we should try actually taking a true interest in others and talking to them. Make them feel comfortable and safe with us, then we may find out what's going on and be able to be a source of refreshment or encouragement for them. Let's all just stop judging and start really loving others, just like they are, bad moods, anxious messes, irritable, stressed out and all!
I wanted to try and paint a picture of what it's like for those of us who deal with anxiety, in hopes that others could either relate to or better understand this struggle. Picture if you will, a person carrying a large heavy boulder on their back and shoulders. It's impossible for them to put this boulder down because it's attached to them in some manner. Every day tasks can be much more difficult for this person because they are already so exhausted. The boulder is very real and very heavy for them but it is also invisible to everyone else. The person carrying this boulder every day becomes weary and exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. Maybe they seem more easily irritable than others, or snap easy in frustration or anger. Maybe they exhibit their weariness in other ways, such as avoidance of some activities, needing more reassurance than some people, seeming distant or withdrawn at times or easily stressed out. Because people cannot see this big heavy boulder they are carrying around daily, they take these actions personally and get upset with the person who is already so weary, which sadly just adds to their heavy load. Because people cannot see this heavy burden of anxiety they make judgments about those carrying the burden that aren't accurate at all. Sometimes its telling the person to stop worrying so much or to just let it go. They truly mean well, but if it were that easy we would have done it, trust me! We do not want to have to live with this burden but everyone has struggles in life, as for those of us with anxiety, this is ours.
We do have good days, where the anxiety isn't as looming and big. The boulder seems to have some pieces break off and the weight of the anxiety isn't as heavy. We savor those days! The boulder is never fully gone though and seems to rebuild itself sometimes due to circumstances and sometimes for no logical reason at all. Those are the bad days, when we want to crawl under the covers and not participate in life.
Anxiety is a lonely road because we feel like nobody understands and most people just want us to be happy go lucky and not worry so much. So we suck it up and push it down and put on the fake smiles and go about our days as best we can. I have learned it is good to talk about your struggles. Satan wants us to feel alone. He wants us to feel isolated. He wants us to think nobody cares or understand. 1 Peter 5:8 says "Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil, He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour."
Lions look for weak isolated prey to devour and Satan destroys those who isolate themselves and keep their struggles hidden. This is why I have stopped hiding my anxiety. I am not ashamed of it. It's a struggle that I face daily, some not so bad, some not so good. I have found in my sharing of my own struggle with anxiety, several others who face the same things. I am not alone! The devil tried for so many years to convince me that I was alone, that something was wrong with me, that I must not be praying hard enough or reading the Bible enough or not doing something right because a true Christian doesn't have anxiety. I am hear to stomp on that lie of Satan and say that is FALSE! True Christians struggle with anxiety like those who aren't Christians. God's Word is filled with passages dealing with this very topic because God knew this would be one of the struggles His children would have to face in their earthly life. He didn't leave us alone or empty handed. He gave us His Word in order to encourage us and remind us of His love and patience and tenderness, even on our darkest days. His love for us knows no end. He doesn't love us less when the anxiety is all consuming. He doesn't shake his finger at us disapprovingly when we can't just let it go and shake it off. He calls to us in His still small voice and says to come to Him and be still in His presence, let Him love you and calm you minute by minute and do this as often as you need to. There is no shame in doing this. He is our Heavenly Father and he knows every last detail of every fiber of our beings and He wants us to rest in His arms, bringing all our struggles to Him as often as we need to.
Matthew 11:28 "Then Jesus said, 'Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."
1 Peter 5:7 "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."
If I could give all of us a piece or two of advice, it would be so stop judging others to quickly and harshly. We simply do not know what people are going through in their lives, whether that be anxiety, depression, marital problems, relationship issues, anger issues, self esteem struggles, etc. Who are we to say how another person should react to a situation? I remember hearing some people talk about another person who up and quit her job and most other activities when she was diagnosed with a curable cancer. They thought she had went to the extreme but maybe that is exactly what she needed to do in order to cope with her diagnosis. Who are we to say how a person should cope with something? Maybe if someone is in a bad mood, we shouldn't be so quick to take it personally. More than likely they have stuff going on we have no idea about and their mood has nothing to do with us whatsoever. Maybe we should try actually taking a true interest in others and talking to them. Make them feel comfortable and safe with us, then we may find out what's going on and be able to be a source of refreshment or encouragement for them. Let's all just stop judging and start really loving others, just like they are, bad moods, anxious messes, irritable, stressed out and all!
Amen. Truth.
ReplyDeleteAmen. Truth.
ReplyDelete